Hello!
I'd like to share with you some great advice from Elizabeth Pantley on the subject of Separation Anxiety.
This new awareness your child is experiencing is often a concern amongst parents and can create it's own set of stress, guilt and anxiety for parents themselves.
My own two children - ages 3 and 21 months - have both gone through varying stages of this and am currently going through this stage with my 21 month old son. I literally cannot seem to hold him enough. If I sit on the floor, he has to be in my lap. Despite being very into playing with toys, reading a book or happily playing with his sister - if I so much as walk into the other room (even though he can see me) he runs into the room crying "Ma-Ma!" as if I was walking out the door to the house!
As anything with babies and toddlers - and eventually into the teenage years - it's all a phase and we hope it shall pass. But while you're in the midst of it all, it can be hard to feel that it will never end. Especially with tears, whining and constant nagging or crying.
So, if you find that you're coming into this phase, you're past it, or right here with me in the middle of it all - please read the excerpt below.
I'd love to hear some feedback or ways you plan to or have coped in the past.
Separation Anxiety
By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Gentle Baby Care
My baby is
only happy when I’m within arm’s reach. If I dare to leave the room, she cries
as if I’ve left the country! I can’t even so much as take a shower these days,
let alone leave the house without her. My mother-in-law says it’s because I’ve
spoiled her. Is she right? Have I made her so clingy?
Nothing
you’ve done has “made” your baby develop separation anxiety. It’s a perfectly
normal and important developmental adaptation. Nearly all children experience
separation anxiety between the ages of seven and 18 months. Some have more
intense reactions than others, and for some, the stage lasts longer than
others, but almost all babies have it to some degree.
The
development of separation anxiety demonstrates that your baby has formed a
healthy, loving attachment to you. It is a beautiful sign that your baby
associates pleasure, comfort, and security with your presence. It also
indicates that your baby is developing intellectually (in other words, she’s
smart!) She has learned that she can have an effect on her world when she makes
her needs known, and she doesn’t have to passively accept a situation that
makes her uncomfortable. She doesn’t know enough about the world yet to
understand that when you leave her you’ll always come back. She also realizes
that she is safest, happiest, and best cared for by you, so her reluctance to
part makes perfect sense ¾
especially when viewed from a survival standpoint. Put another way: You are her
source of nourishment, both physical and emotional; therefore, her attachment
to you is her means of survival, and when she reaches a certain level of
intellectual maturity, she realizes this.
This
stage, like so many others in childhood, will pass. In time, your baby will
learn that she can separate from you, that you will return, and that
everything will be okay between those two points in time. Much of this learning
is based on trust, which, just as for every human being young or old, takes
time to build.
How
do I know if my baby has separation anxiety?
Separation
anxiety is pretty easy to spot, and you’re probably reading this section
because you’ve identified it in your baby. The following are behaviors
typically demonstrated by a baby with normal separation anxiety:
- Clinginess
- Crying when a parent is out of sight
- Strong preference for only one parent
- Fear of strangers
- Waking at night crying for a parent
- Easily comforted in a parent’s embrace
How
you can help your baby with separation anxiety
- Allow your baby to be a baby. It’s
perfectly okay — even wonderful — for your baby to be so attached to you
and for her to desire your constant companionship. Congratulations, Mommy
or Daddy: It’s evidence that the bond you’ve worked so hard to create is
holding. So politely ignore those who tell you otherwise.
- Don’t worry about spoiling her with your
love, since quite the opposite will happen. The more that you meet her
attachment needs during babyhood, the more confident and secure she will
grow up to be.
- Minimize separations when possible. It’s
perfectly acceptable for now ¾ better, in fact ¾ to avoid those
situations that would have you separate from your baby. All too soon, your
baby will move past this phase and on to the next developmental milestone.
- Give your baby lessons in object
permanence. As your baby learns that things continue to exist even when
she can’t see them, she’ll feel better about letting you out of her sight.
Games like peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek will help her understand this
phenomenon.
- Practice with quick, safe separations.
Throughout the day, create situations of brief separation. When you go
into another room, whistle, sing, or talk to your baby so she knows you’re
still there, even though she can’t see you.
- Don’t sneak away when you have to leave
her. It may seem easier than dealing with a tearful goodbye, but it will
just cause her constant worry that you’re going to disappear without
warning at any given moment. The result? Even more clinginess, and
diminished trust in your relationship.
- Tell your baby what to expect. If you are
going to the store and leaving her at home with Grandma, explain where you
are going and tell her when you’ll be back. Eventually, she’ll come to
understand your explanations.
- Don’t rush the parting, but don’t prolong
it, either. Give your baby ample time to process your leave-taking, but
don’t drag it out and make it more painful for both of you.
- Express a positive attitude when leaving
her. If you’re off to work, or an evening out, leave with a smile. Your
baby will absorb your emotions, so if you’re nervous about leaving her,
she’ll be nervous as well. Your confidence will help alleviate her fears.
- Leave your baby with familiar people. If
you must leave your baby with a new caregiver, try to arrange a few visits
when you’ll all be together before you leave the two of them alone for the
first time.
- Invite distractions. If you’re leaving your
baby with a caregiver or relative, encourage that person to get your baby
involved with playtime as you leave. Say a quick good-bye and let your
baby be distracted by an interesting activity.
- Allow your baby the separation that she
initiates. If she crawls off to another room, don’t rush after her. Listen
and peek, of course, to make sure that she’s safe, but let her know it’s
fine for her to go off exploring on her own.
- Encourage her relationship with a special
toy, if she seems to have one. These are called transitional objects
or lovies. They can be a comfort to her when she’s separated from you.
Many babies adopt blankets or soft toys as loveys, holding them to ease
any pain of separation. The lovey becomes a friend and represents security
in the face of change.
- Don’t take it personally. Many babies go
through a stage of attaching themselves to one parent or the other. The
other parent, as well as grandparents, siblings and friends can find this
difficult to accept, but try to reassure them that it’s just a temporary
and normal phase of development and with a little time and gentle patience
it will pass.
This
article is an excerpt from Gentle
Baby Care by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)
Hawaiian Tropic’s website claims “Less Chemical Sunscreens” for this baby sunscreen stick. Truth is, it contains two chemicals to that don’t belong on a baby’s skin – the hormone disruptor oxybenzone and a form vitamin A called retinyl palmitate. A recent federal government study shows retinyl palmitate may speed up the growth of skin tumors.
Coppertone advises users of this baby product to apply “liberally.” 
